Thursday, June 24, 2010

Taking a day to reset.....

I'm taking the day off tomorrow to reset... do *some* laundry, *some* cleaning, *some* shopping, etc....

Get some good thinking in & listen to some good music....

she came to see me yesterday, put her headphones on me and said, listen to this, it's kinda how I feel about you. "Never simple, never easy" she said to me.. It was a CD I'd let her borrow a few months ago before any of this began. "Never wanted this, Never wanted to see you hurt".
"People are people and sometimes things don't work out"... and the worst "Nobody's here to save me". I wouldn't let myself cry.. but damn, she has matured so much in the past year it kills me to know how much she loves me. She has said "You're the only one who loves me"; "you're my best friend" and I work so hard on not crossing boundaries, not caring too much.. but the truth of the matter is I love this girl. I can't control what happens, where she goes.. but I know I've left an impact on her heart.

There are lyrics I want say back to her "But it's killing me to see you go after all this time" but I don't think I can.. I feel so torn..

She came in and checked in with me today per her usual.. and said "I'm sorry" "I'm sorry". It was all I could do to just hug her and cry right with her.

We'll use what time we have for closure (it seems now to being heading that way) and I'll work on letting go.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Thursday, June 17, 2010

I hate feeling so lonely. Is it just me?

I used to feel like I had so many friends.. but I'm past the point of wanting surface level friends, I want someone who gets me at a much deeper level..

Tuesday, June 1, 2010