"I don't know what to be without you around"

she came to see me yesterday, put her headphones on me and said, listen to this, it's kinda how I feel about you. "Never simple, never easy" she said to me.. It was a CD I'd let her borrow a few months ago before any of this began. "Never wanted this, Never wanted to see you hurt".
"People are people and sometimes things don't work out"... and the worst "Nobody's here to save me". I wouldn't let myself cry.. but damn, she has matured so much in the past year it kills me to know how much she loves me. She has said "You're the only one who loves me"; "you're my best friend" and I work so hard on not crossing boundaries, not caring too much.. but the truth of the matter is I love this girl. I can't control what happens, where she goes.. but I know I've left an impact on her heart.

There are lyrics I want say back to her "But it's killing me to see you go after all this time" but I don't think I can.. I feel so torn..

She came in and checked in with me today per her usual.. and said "I'm sorry" "I'm sorry". It was all I could do to just hug her and cry right with her.

We'll use what time we have for closure (it seems now to being heading that way) and I'll work on letting go.

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Cosmic Love

Loving this newer artist (newer to the U.S.) Florence & the Machine. I can't help but get an overwhelming feeling that no matter how bad things are or could get in the future maybe....just maybe everything is going to be alright. I believe this song is trying to hit the listener's spiritual side. my interpretation, others will be different.

my happy ending ladies.

I find myself looking at this journey today and wanting to share with you what happened to me. I was going to edit the hell out of this and delete this entire thing and made a conscious decision not to do so.. why is that? Well, i know what I went through and the amount of online research I did when given many "terms" used in this blog. The "cd" and "ttc" and "BBT" and "clomid" (likely the most evil drug known to man which my body battled and fought for months), "femara" (also evil, used for cancer and ferility ladies), "prometrium" (if u somehow randomly found this in your journey, please send me a message and I'll tell u the hell prometriun is, but that the drug works) "glucophage" (another evil drug, see a trend, also used for diabetics) "IUI", "endometriosis" "PCOS" and "pain" "lonely" "sad". It's 2017. So my world...

Trying to Concieve really sucks...

Today is cd31. I took a hpt this morning & it was negative (and with 2 days until my period - it is 84% reliable so I know I am not pregnant). I'm not having the best morning. I'm sad. I knew I would be. I haven't cried yet (which is amazing if you know me). I am just trying not to think about it.. I have to do my blood test at the hospital in 2 days so then it will be official that this month has come to a terrible ending. I did everything right.. I hate pcos. i hate endometriosis. Song of the day ~ Family Tree

My home is where my story begins.....

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