My home is where my story begins.....

Today is cd1. So it's back to the beginning of another cycle. I should be hopeful, right? Maybe it's just my icky mood this morning. I just feel like crying. It's those dumb hormone pills. They really do a number on my emotions. I'm seeing the obgyn tomorrow but what can she really tell me. It's hard to be hopeful.... honestly....

I'm avoiding you. and it's a blog. it's not like it talks back to me. *Sigh* I'm losing it. Today is cd42. Yeah, i know, i know..... I'm taking the progesterone to force a period. Fun stuff. It makes my friends think I am even more nuts than normal..... not that it would take much. I need the Christmas Spirit, the joy of the season now more than ever. This stuff can overwhelm and take you over. Our trees are decorated but the house isn't in it's usual perky self. I can tell it bothers my husband. I'm trying. I really am. I have the day off on Friday, we see the obgyn. and hopefully i can get some christmas shopping done... wrapping as well. I am trying. For those that read, thanks.... i love you.

I started taking Glucophage this morning.... cd33 and no period.... and I know I'm not pregnant. I will likely have to take Prometrium to jumpstart my period if it doesn't start soon. Also going to be starting 100mg Clomid with my next cycle. Feels nice to be home from vacation - my own bed... but there is like a million things to do to get ready for Christmas now (my favorite time of the year).

This morning, I got a call with my lab results for the month.. my progesterone level was .6 HORRIBLE. Last month it was 4.59 which was bad but this is awful. I had just gotten into Epcot, looking forward to a great day... and got this horrible call. I just wanted to cry...... I guess the plan for next month is to go up to 100mg Clomid and I asked to have them start the Glucophage now... my obgyn is on vacation until wednesday so hopefully will get a call so I can pick that prescription up when my vacation is over.... gosh, I tried all day to smile but that progesterone level is horrible... and I have switched almost all my foods to this . I guess it wasn't my month. I had a glass of wine with lunch I was so bummed. I suppose it doesn't matter if I have some drinks until I am back to cd1 whenever that will be... Heading back to Epcot in a bit for the firework night show... my husband was very loving today, by the way... he knew how hard I took the news.

Trying not to think about TTC on vacation is tough. I am on cd26 so in the middle of that 2WW... well, really one week left to wait.... I SHOULD be super excited.. my parents ordered our christmas present... I'm going to spend all week in Disney World and relaxing at the pool but I still have my mind on whether or not I am pregnant. It's a sucky thing, I know... but it's only natural to wonder but my initial feeling is I am not pregnant. I dunno, I try to be hopeful....

It's here!!! Yay!!! I'm flying out in the morning. My parents, husband and I are all going! I am in SUCH need of a vacation it is unreal. I am going to try and relax as much as possible and not try to think of TTC as we're moving into the end of the cycle... so it's the 2WW really to see if we concieved.

I'm having a good day.... probably because I'm vacationing in 3 days!! yay!! Tomorrow is my blood work in the morning before work... sigh... Praying for a high progesterone level this month. If not, I'm going to ask my obgyn to put me on Glucophage next month as all the research shows it works well with Clomid. Here is to hoping & praying that my progesterone level will be high this month... Please!!!! This process is so hard.... it is always on my mind.