My home is where my story begins.....

I've just taken my last dose of Clomid for the month. Today is day9. It's frustrating that every month it's the same ole, same ole... trying to get pregnant. I want it so bad. I think it consumes me. and I really don't have friends I can talk about it with. I think even the friends I do tell... it's hard for them to fully understand. I know people care. It is just a lonely feeling. January is close to an end. but I look at months in terms of my cycles. I know... silly. I want it so bad it just breaks my heart every month..

I've ignored you because I've been having a hard time. The past few weeks have been emotionally and mentally draining to me. Getting upset w/a best friend, feeling let down, wondering why things ARE the way they are, feeling love, feeling as if I overwhelm specific someone's..... I don't know why my head gets all turned upside down. I wear my heart on my sleeve & just wish I didn't always where my heart so much on my sleeve... I try working on things. I am good at taking feedback.

but I'm not. I think things through on a deep level and wear my heart on my sleeve. Is it a flaw? maybe. It's just who I am. I'm not shallow, I don't want that. It's not what I need. I need.... what I really truly need... are friends (likely somewhere out there) that understand me, understand what I need in a good, solid friendship.

Why would you ever expect something different from someone when they've always done the same things to you, over and over?? Why would you ever expect them to realize they are in the wrong? God I'm stupid.

Here's to new beginnings.....

Today is cd1. So it's back to the beginning of another cycle. I should be hopeful, right? Maybe it's just my icky mood this morning. I just feel like crying. It's those dumb hormone pills. They really do a number on my emotions. I'm seeing the obgyn tomorrow but what can she really tell me. It's hard to be hopeful.... honestly....

I'm avoiding you. and it's a blog. it's not like it talks back to me. *Sigh* I'm losing it. Today is cd42. Yeah, i know, i know..... I'm taking the progesterone to force a period. Fun stuff. It makes my friends think I am even more nuts than normal..... not that it would take much. I need the Christmas Spirit, the joy of the season now more than ever. This stuff can overwhelm and take you over. Our trees are decorated but the house isn't in it's usual perky self. I can tell it bothers my husband. I'm trying. I really am. I have the day off on Friday, we see the obgyn. and hopefully i can get some christmas shopping done... wrapping as well. I am trying. For those that read, thanks.... i love you.