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my happy ending ladies.

I find myself looking at this journey today and wanting to share with you what happened to me. I was going to edit the hell out of this and delete this entire thing and made a conscious decision not to do so.. why is that?  Well, i know what I went through and the amount of online research I did when given many "terms" used in this blog. The "cd" and "ttc" and "BBT" and "clomid" (likely the most evil drug known to man which my body battled and fought for months), "femara" (also evil, used for cancer and ferility ladies), "prometrium" (if u somehow randomly found this in your journey, please send me a message and I'll tell u the hell prometriun is, but that the drug works) "glucophage" (another evil drug, see a trend, also used for diabetics) "IUI", "endometriosis"  "PCOS" and "pain" "lonely" "sad".  
It's 2017. So my world is sl…
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Cosmic Love

Loving this newer artist (newer to the U.S.) Florence & the Machine.

I can't help but get an overwhelming feeling that no matter how bad things are or could get in the future maybe....just maybe everything is going to be alright.

I believe this song is trying to hit the listener's spiritual side. my interpretation, others will be different.

Today is February 9th, 2011. & this is where I am.

I'm much better. well, most days. It's been 5 months and about 10 days. I do not keep track. I try to forget the entire debacle. I miss her. I wonder about her. Today, I re-gained some of the power I had thought I lost in my heart. She told me she loved me & knows the whole story. I said nothing. I can't. But the knowing, just the knowing.. wow.

It's been 8 weeks and a day...


I'd never imagined it would end like this.

In time, something new will grow. How long will it take to feel it? I don't know how to be something that will grow right now. I hope to see the sunshine, lay down on the ground, stare up at the sky and think about what is next.

I didn't think I'd live like this..... Time... growth.

My days used to revolve around you... Who had a sick need to give... and take it ALL away.

I look back with regret.. Why didn't I see this?? I see it all now. Every little piece.

i still remember the look on your face when I woke you... i can still feel your energy.. I don't know how to be something that you'll miss.. It's your smile and love I will forever remember... I hope I am something you will miss.. I hope I made an impact on your beautiful life.

I will remember the moments...

The Light..

"and you say, it'll be alright.. i'm gonna trust you, i'm gonna look in your eyes.
I'd follow you into the light."

this song makes me cry which naturally makes it my song of the day..

I feel pretty closed off, closed down right now..

It's a rainy day in Michigan and from someone at home, who left their job 5 weeks ago for reasons I can't write about just yet, I think I will read.. I've got a pile right now. I'm reading "Heart of the Matter" by Emily Giffin who is very good.

It doesn't matter.......

Doesn't matter what I want..... as a social worker.. this makes me wish and then feel sad I can't save all of them...

doesn't matter what I need.. or if I cry.....

this song just makes me think of my job... and the people I cannot save.. no matter how much I Want too..