I
find myself looking at this journey today and wanting to share with you
what happened to me. I was going to edit the hell out of this and delete this entire thing
and made a conscious decision not to do so.. why is that? Well, i know
what I went through and the amount of online research I did when given
many "terms" used in this blog. The "cd" and "ttc" and "BBT" and
"clomid" (likely the most evil drug known to man which my body battled
and fought for months), "femara" (also evil, used for cancer and
ferility ladies), "prometrium" (if u somehow randomly found this in your
journey, please send me a message and I'll tell u the hell prometriun
is, but that the drug works) "glucophage" (another evil drug, see a
trend, also used for diabetics) "IUI", "endometriosis" "PCOS" and
"pain" "lonely" "sad".
It's 2017. So my world is slightly different.
To
all women of the world of infertility. Do not give up. I know the fight
is real. I battled it for years. My miracle came true. He arrived on
November 20, 2012. It happens. It really does. :)
My
son initially spent 6 weeks in the NICU and wow did I learn about
strength. Strength I didn't even know I had. It appeared. If you have
found this and absorbed it is pretty obvious I use music to process
emotion and it gets me through any challenge. I grow through the
music... Every painful event. Ladies, if u are TTC, find something that
lifts your heart to make it to the next day in the cycle. Through the
evil 2ww.... allow the music to move your soul... there is much pain in
infertility. Find some smiles and joy. I listened to everything and
even the painful stuff moved me from day to day...
So
I have a crazy intense wild 4 yo son that I love and adore... if u have
found my journey through random searches on the drugs or the terms, I
will tell u it gets better... I found my heart. I have it ladies.
Nothing compares. And I KNOW hearing that burns. I didn't want to hear a
word from parents joy in my battle. Just know you'll find
yourself.....
This
was anonymous. For many reasons. But my name is Mel. I'm now a single
mother. It's on me and that's 100% OK at the moment. I have my son
now.. as crazy as it is. I have him.
I
blogged so much about wanting that deep friendship. It was partly
wanting that connection to someone who understood and I found her. She's
amazing and understood my infertility battle like no other because she
has her own. I no longer have that void. I have amazing girlfriends...
they make my entire world. I felt the world was against me. I cried and
cried. I don't cry like that anymore. The pain you read here is no
more. I truly found my soul sister. Ok, now I *might* cry... she's
never read this and I hadn't in years myself so I may send this to
her..... so I recommend getting online because in 2017, there are so
many more resources. Recommend "Meetup" and that's where I found my
mommy groups.
I
won't write here again. I'm going to just post this ending to my intense
cry-filled battle. And if anyone reads this and has taken Clomid or
Prometrium? Await the hormones and tears girl. It's not even manageable.
I went to Acupuncture. It didn't get me pregnant but has fabulous
benefits. I was told to knit. So I knit to relax. I used the music. I
read books. I burned candles. I devoted energy into cards. I tried it
all. Any relaxing thing out there. Find an infertility support group.
They help. Other women get it. None of my sports friends understood.
Only women who had the battle. I literally grew through pain. Internal
strength found.
Ok, as in usual fashion most days it appears I did... I'll end and lock this entire blog with a final "song of the day".
It's
fitting really I end with the woman I found during this battle who is
basically known as the voice of the times to most and to me, queen...
Adele. The "sweetest devotion". The song is so moving and on most
days could put me to tears if I think on it's true meaning... it's
absolutely beautiful...
I wish any woman reading this the strength to push forward every single day and have hope. Never let go of the hope...
xoxo........ Mel.
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