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Showing posts from August, 2009

cd26...

getting closer to taking a hpt.. I think I will take one on Saturday morning which will be cd28.

It's been a long work week --greatly looking forward to the weekend. relaxation, knitting, reading.

Am feeling loved today.

cd24 - just trying to make it through the week, really.

Today is cd24 - 9 dpo.

yeah, i've got some early preg symptoms...
but they are also side effects from the progesterone I take 4x daily... so I'm trying not to overanalyze... really hoping the de-stressing/not analyzing will help me ease the disappointment of AF if/when she arrives.. Sigh.

Completed day 2 of WiiActive (the program is KIND - it gave me the day off tomorrow). My upper thighs ACHE sooooooooo bad.

In other news... ahh... feeling upset with a friend today. Feel completely useless as a friend no matter how hard I try... I don't even know what to do or say right now.. Seems like all my words go unheard.. when do you know if you're wasting your time pushing a friendship onto someone that they don't even want...
Lyrically ~ this is what I want to say:


"So.......If you ever want something...
You call, you call.......And I'll come running to fight......And I'll be at your door"

WiiActive-1 ~ me-0 hahahaha... (i complained... but did it)

wow... difficult... i am not a fan of squats & lunges because of my knees... at least tomorrow it tells me we'll work on boxing, tennis and some other stuff.... it's tough.. but the endorphins help me release stress.

but even tho I say the WiiActive beat ME... I did the entire thing... i actually feel de-stressed a little.. Sssshhh ~ we're not telling that to hubby.

Moving away from the topic "infertility" CONSTANTLY on my mind..... Wii Active

My hubby went out to buy this game for me today...

Supposedly, they have a 30-day challenge. I am going to commit to it. Seriously - I AM!!! If anything, it will help me de-stress in the morning!! and increase endorphins - all of which I need. I'm completely stressed all the time --on a ton of weird pills.. and I Think this could be a healthy move for me... Hubby says he will do it with me --but if he stops --I'm committed...

Reviews look good!!

I'll be setting up a profile when he gets home --after we've had dinner and all!!!

and continue my knitting as well....

cd22.... moody.

The 2ww is always kinda hard... looking at every little symptom as a possibility of early pregnancy symptoms... yes, i realize I am driving myself insane.... as usual when it comes to cycles where I think I have a possibility of being pregnant... i've been kinda moody the past 2 days... very irritable, etc... this weekend hasn't been very good, either... I slept most of Saturday.. then T took me to dinner @ Bravo (italian).

I'll relax today, knit, read.... maybe do some laundry.. exciting, eh???

work's been kinda crazy... the upcoming week has some crazy meetings I have to plan.. etc, etc...

and my mind is on my cycle... i'm 7dpo today so each day this week my mind will be on my cycle --my hope that my period will not arrive... hoping my temperature will stay up (although the prometrium 4x a day is doing that for me).

Beginning of my Two Week Wait....

This is my least favorite part of the cycle... but some months I have nothing to wait for so I know I should hush and be grateful that for this 2ww that I *do* have something to wait for... it's always hard to wait... my blood test isn't until august 31st. It will be an exciting day or another bummer... luckily that weekend will be labor day - the start of football season (which I love) and maybe will be able to have a drink if my period starts around then.. All I can do is hope&pray.. which is what I do every month..

Monday Morning..... cd16.

Spent the past 4 nights trying to concieve. I'm trying to be hopeful yet not get too excited, obsessive, etc... the 2-week wait is never any fun. Last month I didn't ovulate/release an egg so I was pretty down. I started the prometrium yesterday (1oomg 4x daily). This is the drug that makes me tired yet prepares my body supposedly in case I do get pregnant. Just trying to remain positive. The HcG shot on Friday would have caused me to ovulate already but I think we will baby-dance tonight as well just in case.

I'm going to release 2 eggs this cycle!!!!

So I saw my RE yesterday..... and there were 2 growing follicles (FINALLY!!!!!!!!!) I would be happy with one. One follicle was much smaller than the other so she asked me to come back today to do another ultrasound to see if the smaller one would grow. And this morning I went... and both follicles are growing. She gave me the HcG shot that will force ovulation within 36 hours... so I actually have 2 eggs to work with this month.. I am very hopeful for a change.. that's like 2 chances at getting pregnant! I've had such a rotten few months with TTC that I hope&pray that this could be my month.. I won't get too ahead of myself. My RE said to have "relationship" all weekend... so that's what we'll do!!! Please pray for me! --More later!!

Secret Heart...

I think I've got a secret heart.. the song makes me cry because it's so true. The very secret I'm concealing is the one I'm dying to reveal. Damn - I just about cannot stand it anymore. I'm so tired of pretending to be this person people expect.. I'm mad, ok? I'm angry.. I wouldn't wish this secret ("infertility") on ANYONE..... it feels like a hidden world, seriously.. daily, I swear a part of my heart dies.. is it ever going to happen?? Will I ever be a mommy?

Nothing changes - Nobody know - Nobody understand -- and they never know what to say. The small group of people that do know just say "it'll happen eventually" or "well, you just started THIS med"...
stop!!!!! stop!!!! stop!!!! The comments make it worse - just hug me. offer comfort... meaningless words just make me put up a wall...

I really fight this. I get up everyday. I smile. I think positive. but damn if it isn't lonely.

Secret Heart Why so mysteriou…

On a fun note....

I bought myself the Coach sneakers I have wanted for years.. they were half off so I totally couldn't resist myself.. Impulse Control was low - it's been a crap week... I felt I deserved 'em...