Sunday, November 30, 2008

Trying not to think about TTC on vacation is tough. I am on cd26 so in the middle of that 2WW... well, really one week left to wait.... I SHOULD be super excited.. my parents ordered our christmas present... I'm going to spend all week in Disney World and relaxing at the pool but I still have my mind on whether or not I am pregnant. It's a sucky thing, I know... but it's only natural to wonder but my initial feeling is I am not pregnant. I dunno, I try to be hopeful....

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


It's here!!! Yay!!! I'm flying out in the morning. My parents, husband and I are all going! I am in SUCH need of a vacation it is unreal. I am going to try and relax as much as possible and not try to think of TTC as we're moving into the end of the cycle... so it's the 2WW really to see if we concieved.

Monday, November 24, 2008

a good day....

I'm having a good day.... probably because I'm vacationing in 3 days!! yay!!

Tomorrow is my blood work in the morning before work... sigh... Praying for a high progesterone level this month. If not, I'm going to ask my obgyn to put me on Glucophage next month as all the research shows it works well with Clomid.

Here is to hoping & praying that my progesterone level will be high this month... Please!!!! This process is so hard.... it is always on my mind.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

I love my husband. I can't even remember life without him actually. that IS how much my life feels like it started the day we began our life together. Now naturally he has pet peeves that drive me nuts... as I am sure I do to him... (i can occasionally repeat myself.... remember, i said occasionally). I am truly lucky to have this man in my life.. he is one of the good ones, very very good ones.

I'm supposed to be... but who knows... O'ing over the past 2 days, maybe today.. who knows? I just don't think the OPK's work for me... it's so frustrating.. those types of thing bother me so much.. I'm not wanting to get into the whole temperature checking each morning... but we'll see what happens this month. I am on cd19, last month my cycle was 32 days with the Clomid so my O day based on the calculators was supposed to be yesterday! Here is to hoping for....

Friday, November 21, 2008

It's Friday!

My Spartans play for a co-Big Ten Championship tomorrow if they can win at Penn State... very tough game.. so I don't have my hopes set THAT high.. I think we're still going to a bowl game on New Years Day!

My anniversary is this weekend... 6 years! We're doing a low-key anniversary as we are VACATIONING next week!!!! yay!!!

Heading to Orlando for the Old Spice Classic and then spending the following week in Walt Disney World!!!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

so you know what that means... I'm trying not to obsess over OPK's this month as I do not even think they work for me... they never say I ovulate... yet I keep trying them and buying them. If only there were a way I could REALLY know when I was going to O.. that would surely make this entire getting pregnant thing a lot easier... maybe?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

my blog sounds very depressing... well... it's like a JOURNAL.... duh... :P what did you think I would write in here... LMAO.... for those of you reading, umm, husband now... no.. I am not depressed you silly boy.. I'm going through alot... dork.

and yes, I regret saying I wasn't looking forward to vacation... I am.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

"I've been trying to tell you... say that it's always been me... that I am all you need... and you never want more... Seems like I love the things you do..." ~ Adele.

"And we'll say all of the right things without a clue
And you'll be the one for me and me the one for you" ~ Adele.

I love the lyrics to this song. I think it's about a relationship gone wrong but I choose to pick the lyrics that resonate in my heart.

Today was a sad day. confusing.. T and I talked about christmas gifts... I said all I really wanted was to be pregnant. nothing else. Can I just have that one thing? It's not like I don't pray for it all the time... I want it so bad.


I'm the girl with everything... so tell me what is wrong with me?? I feel like not a soul understands how I feel.

My god the loneliness is almost too much to bear for me. I cry so easily nowadays.

I should be so happy, I truly AM the girl with everything, I should be stronger than this.. but I'm not. I feel so weak. It feels like the fight of my life.

All I have ever wanted is a family. Being an only child, I never felt like I had "that" family you see people with..

my husband is as supportive as he can be... and the friends whom are aware also try to be supportive but this is a lonely process, no matter how many times friends offer their hugs&kind words. They don't get it.

It's another long week ahead for me... I promised a friend I'd do a TV interview for their studio tomorrow night... wished I'd said NO... and I have a big presentation at work on Thursday evening that isn't prepared... I just want a day to myself to cry. My vacation is 11 days - I've prepared nothing for Orlando & we will be there 10 days. I'm not even excited.

and dear readers, I know... none... today is cd12. According to the clomid calculator, it's the week to really start trying. There is my hope. My bloodwork for the month will be 2 days before our trip so I should get a call on vacation on the status of my progesterone levels. Wish me luck!

Friday, November 14, 2008


what an icky day. I wake up... in pain, needing to potty.. and what do I find to my dismay... spotting and a UTI. I have no sick days so I knew I'd need to go into work. Luckily, my boss completely rules... my obgyn was on the ball, got me in to give a urinalysis so I could get a prescription for the UTI and back to work I went. I appreciate my boss so much... I was pretty emotional today.. shed some tears, had alot on my mind. I get tearful so easily on Clomid. I was feeling alone today. Had some difficulty focusing today so will have to work on a presentation this weekend for work since I couldn't get going as much as I needed to today.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I apologize....

for anyone who dealt with me today when I was so emotional... that was an icky fit of tearful emotions... *sigh* Not much I can do about it... I made it to my car before crying, so no tears in my office. Today is cd8, so my 4th pill of Clomid. T was pretty supportive when he got home, he knows I can't help my mood. He was a good sport & watched (2) episodes of Gossip Girl on the Tivo... and went up to bed w/me early since I wasn't feeling well.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

my Tuesday off...

I am cd7. so far so good with the Clomid. having some symptoms of moodiness/headache but nothing I can't handle. It was nice to have today off. I was able to get some shopping in @ Macy's.
Our cupboards are bare so I need to go grocery shopping... that is always a task for me that isn't the most fun... how come "I" always have to go.... Grrr... totally not in the mood right now....

Friday, November 7, 2008

Feels like a LONG Fall...

I'm really tired.. it's been a LONG Fall. I feel out of sorts with different things I guess. It's Friday night and I feel like crying. I get emotional. Everything feels out of sorts today.. maybe I need more sleep. I'm so glad tomorrow is the final home tailgate for MSU this season. I am REALLY burned out right now.... I wish my husband was home so he could give me a hug. although the house is kinda messy and we don't like that. I don't like chaos/mess. My husband is really tired this week as well. We're both needing a day to chill. The end of tailgating always feels this way. We love it... but we get tired. We didn't do our normal decorating for Halloween, which made me sad. We're going away for Thanksgiving for 10 days so we may put up the Christmas Tree up (1 of them) in the living room before we leave for our trip. 2008 has been an odd year for me. Maybe I should just crawl into a ball tonight and fall asleep. Doesn't that sound good?

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

back to day 1.

I'm back to day 1. Started period this morning. 32 day cycle would indicate I ovulated at least. So this month we will try again with 50 mg clomid. It's been a frustrating week thus far dealing with family issues.

Monday, November 3, 2008

It just wasn't my day....

Some days I feel emotional (well, many lately due to the medicine), some days good... other days sad. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my parents raised me not to keep things bottled up... so I tell people how I feel. I forget some families have "closed" systems that don't relate well when you try to open up to them. Some people just don't hear it or don't want to hear it or maybe... they don't know how to hear it.


I know that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Especially without all the details but it makes sense to me... it's not like anyone reads this. but still....

they say pick your battles... pick the important ones.
Which ones to let go of? how do I let go of things that will never change?

LOVE THIS new Artist Adele ~ Chasing Pavements....

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Frustration and Tears...

It's obvious I am hormonal.
My symptoms are obvious to that.
I'm sooooo angry that my wishes for privacy were completely violated.
It's like, hey.... I have feelings you know...
WHY WHY WHY don't people stop for just a second and think to themselves how what they do will affect the person?

Like I am not dealing enough right now anyhow....