Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I wrote this for my husband... our life has been pretty rough over the past 6 weeks...
looking at my last post, this health situation started (2) days later...
This is generally a favorite time of the year for my husband and I. We're extreme MSU fans.. and instead of excitedly watching the days and days of the basketball madness.... we've been dealing with a much more difficult thing... life in a hospital room.
Trevor's hospitalization has changed me.. changed him.. changed our marriage. While I can say I never imagined having to sponge bathe my husband, I did it. He needed me. & we kissed, laughed some at the situation.. and he said, "You must love me so much for being here, caring for me". I never thought of the alternative. He's my life.. this is why I say our marriage changed through this process.. I don't think we've ever been closer... Hearing my husband tell me "I was put on this earth to be with you" has forever changed me.
This process has taught us not to take one another for granted. and shown us just how strong our love truly is...
I've always been the weaker one.. Trevor has always taken care of me.. but I've become stronger.. I'd be lying if I said I haven't cried... I have. ALOT.. but I've been able to become strong in his presence and be the strong one..
A friend told me a few weeks back I was stronger than I thought I was. I didn't believe it. I do now. I didn't think I'd make it through the emotional aspect of his surgeries.. I was able to.
My tears in private. My tears in bed.. once he was asleep in his hospital bed.. I would cry in the bed the staff at Sparrow gave me. We've lived in that hospital for 22 days today.
and tomorrow, april begins... and if he has a good night, he will come home to me tomorrow.. for the next phase of this journey.. healing. Yes, I will have help from visiting nurses, my mother, friends.. but I know we'll get through this together.
This has been a very lonely time for me. I've been very scared. I've been afraid to open up about how difficult this has truly been until now.. I'm tired. Exhausted really. I'm so thankful my mother will be here with us all weekend because I need the rest.
I know we're on the right path and I want to thank everyone who has visited us, sent a card, flowers, gifts, notes, kind sentiments... you'll never know how much we needed them & how much they meant to us.
In Love, Mel
and to my dearest Trevor.. i will never leave your side. We are forever bound. and no matter how much we cry as we heal, we will be together. Forever and always.. I love you, baby.
The Madness of My March...