Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I need this NOW...........

2 days... Grand Floridian Resort and Spa pictured.

I'm about to lose my freaking mind.. I need a vacation so damned bad. I need to focus on my myself for a change... rather than everyone else... I'm the worst people pleaser... and right about now, I just need to take care of what's good for ME....

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

It's been awhile....

So.. the blog is helpful for me to process many things.. but it's also a reminder of what isn't here... a baby.. a pregnancy.. I'm on cd43. I obviously didn't ovulate this month.. who knows when I will get a period.. it's incredibly frustrating.. I need to take the prometrium hormone so I can have a period.. i've taken a ton of time off the fertility medicine.. AFTER this upcoming cycle, we'll get going again.. both my husband and I have baby fever even more than normal... it's such a rough feeling to have..

I had to make a tough decision recently.. it's still fresh.. it's never easy to end a friendship. Especially someone you've talked to for a pretty long time.. & in typical "me" fashion, music always helps me through a tough situation. This will take some time for me to move forward from.. It helps that I am going on an amazing vacation to Walt Disney World and staying at the Grand Floridian Resort and Spa for 7 amazing nights and 8 days, leaving this Friday, January 22nd.. It will be a wonderful time with my husband and help me leave behind a friendship that has had to end...

Here is a picture of the amazing lobby that makes me smile:

so....this is the song below... I guess it could be viewed differently by any number of people... I think of it as a friendship song.. but could define the ending of any friendship... like the lyrics state... "People are people....But it's killing me to see you go... It's the kind of ending you don't really wanna see" "and it hurts to lose a friend..." "Sorry"
It makes me cry.. but I process my emotions through my tears... I always have.. The lyrics just SPEAK to me about moving through this.. "And we know it's never simple" "Never a clean break..............No one here to save me"
the lines that make me cry:
"Never wanted this
Never wanna see you hurt
Every little bump in the road
I tried to swerve"

This will be really tough for me... it's not easy, it hurts to lose someone you'd opened up to so much, no matter what type of friend.. and someone I'd turn to for advice.. (someone who knows me "Like the back of my hand") it leaves an empty void for sure & I wonder how I'll bounce back.. nobody ever said finding new friends was easy.. otherwise I'd just open the damned phonebook....
"But I have to breathe without you"
If only there were some way to make this easy... make me forget every mistake I made.. make me wish I didn't make the same mistakes as I've always made... makes me wish I hadn't opened up so much, so easily...