My life, my friends, my mind...

It's been a really tough few weeks (ok, let's be honest... it's been a few rough months) for me. I'm really worn down on the Clomid. I've been pretty emotionally worn down. Crying, sad, moody, irritable... it's made me sick... combined with the fact that I've not gotten a progesterone level of over 5 since starting. I'm supposedly "fertile" this week.. I never know when I really ovulate.. but I had migraines.. then food poisoning.. so I guess we'll try the next several days.. but I'm pretty down about it. I feel like I need a break for sure. I am going to talk to my obgyn at the end of this cycle to see if I can stop Clomid for 1-2 months before starting up. I'm just so worn down. I don't even feel like myself anymore.
I feel like I am teetering on the edge of depression almost. It took a good friend this week to point this out to me.. He said he is always on eggshells around me, I'm not the same person and I seem depressed.. It really got to me. Even typing it makes me want to cry. I want a baby so bad.. i soooo want to be a mommy. I'm not even taking care of myself right now... :(
I guess those are my thoughts today. Sigh...

I need retail therapy today, I Think.... *shrug*

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Cosmic Love

Loving this newer artist (newer to the U.S.) Florence & the Machine. I can't help but get an overwhelming feeling that no matter how bad things are or could get in the future maybe....just maybe everything is going to be alright. I believe this song is trying to hit the listener's spiritual side. my interpretation, others will be different.

my happy ending ladies.

I find myself looking at this journey today and wanting to share with you what happened to me. I was going to edit the hell out of this and delete this entire thing and made a conscious decision not to do so.. why is that? Well, i know what I went through and the amount of online research I did when given many "terms" used in this blog. The "cd" and "ttc" and "BBT" and "clomid" (likely the most evil drug known to man which my body battled and fought for months), "femara" (also evil, used for cancer and ferility ladies), "prometrium" (if u somehow randomly found this in your journey, please send me a message and I'll tell u the hell prometriun is, but that the drug works) "glucophage" (another evil drug, see a trend, also used for diabetics) "IUI", "endometriosis" "PCOS" and "pain" "lonely" "sad". It's 2017. So my world...

It's been 8 weeks and a day...

Time.... I'd never imagined it would end like this. In time, something new will grow. How long will it take to feel it? I don't know how to be something that will grow right now. I hope to see the sunshine, lay down on the ground, stare up at the sky and think about what is next. I didn't think I'd live like this..... Time... growth. My days used to revolve around you... Who had a sick need to give... and take it ALL away. I look back with regret.. Why didn't I see this?? I see it all now. Every little piece. i still remember the look on your face when I woke you... i can still feel your energy.. I don't know how to be something that you'll miss.. It's your smile and love I will forever remember... I hope I am something you will miss.. I hope I made an impact on your beautiful life. I will remember the moments...

My home is where my story begins.....

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