April 15th.... tax day.....

Confusion.....Mistakes.....

Things I wish I hadn't said...

We're not meant to be perfect. I can own up for my own mistakes... so much is unknown.. I love my close friend. I don't know how to fix it all.. The picture here of the woman lying in the water truly depicts how I feel regarding this situation. It hurts. It hurts to know someone loves you. that they would do anything for you... and I don't know what to do to fix it. I feel like the eyes in this painting are staring down at me telling me "you messed this up". I wish the many pairs of eyes would give me advice... tell me what to do....

It's been a rough few weeks. I've closed myself down. I barely let anyone in anymore, so much going on with all my fertility stuff... seeing my fertility doctor on april 30th. I'm hopeful. :)

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Cosmic Love

Loving this newer artist (newer to the U.S.) Florence & the Machine. I can't help but get an overwhelming feeling that no matter how bad things are or could get in the future maybe....just maybe everything is going to be alright. I believe this song is trying to hit the listener's spiritual side. my interpretation, others will be different.

my happy ending ladies.

I find myself looking at this journey today and wanting to share with you what happened to me. I was going to edit the hell out of this and delete this entire thing and made a conscious decision not to do so.. why is that? Well, i know what I went through and the amount of online research I did when given many "terms" used in this blog. The "cd" and "ttc" and "BBT" and "clomid" (likely the most evil drug known to man which my body battled and fought for months), "femara" (also evil, used for cancer and ferility ladies), "prometrium" (if u somehow randomly found this in your journey, please send me a message and I'll tell u the hell prometriun is, but that the drug works) "glucophage" (another evil drug, see a trend, also used for diabetics) "IUI", "endometriosis" "PCOS" and "pain" "lonely" "sad". It's 2017. So my world...

Trying to Concieve really sucks...

Today is cd31. I took a hpt this morning & it was negative (and with 2 days until my period - it is 84% reliable so I know I am not pregnant). I'm not having the best morning. I'm sad. I knew I would be. I haven't cried yet (which is amazing if you know me). I am just trying not to think about it.. I have to do my blood test at the hospital in 2 days so then it will be official that this month has come to a terrible ending. I did everything right.. I hate pcos. i hate endometriosis. Song of the day ~ Family Tree

My home is where my story begins.....

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