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April 15th.... tax day.....

Confusion.....Mistakes.....

Things I wish I hadn't said...

We're not meant to be perfect. I can own up for my own mistakes... so much is unknown.. I love my close friend. I don't know how to fix it all.. The picture here of the woman lying in the water truly depicts how I feel regarding this situation. It hurts. It hurts to know someone loves you. that they would do anything for you... and I don't know what to do to fix it. I feel like the eyes in this painting are staring down at me telling me "you messed this up". I wish the many pairs of eyes would give me advice... tell me what to do....

It's been a rough few weeks. I've closed myself down. I barely let anyone in anymore, so much going on with all my fertility stuff... seeing my fertility doctor on april 30th. I'm hopeful. :)

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It's been 8 weeks and a day...

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Today is February 9th, 2011. & this is where I am.

I'm much better. well, most days. It's been 5 months and about 10 days. I do not keep track. I try to forget the entire debacle. I miss her. I wonder about her. Today, I re-gained some of the power I had thought I lost in my heart. She told me she loved me & knows the whole story. I said nothing. I can't. But the knowing, just the knowing.. wow.