Life, Love and Family....
All on my mind today, readers..... all of which readers include one.... my husband. I can get so down sometimes when things don't go the way I expect & feel lost. Like I should know more about who I am at 3o (yikes! just TURNED 30).
There is so much I love about my life and yet, so much I don't. I'm lucky. I know this. I have amazing friends and a supportive family.
Something seems missing.
Is is the baby I so desperately want to have? I was an only child.. at times I liked & times I didn't. My parents divorced when I graduated high school and I felt completely alone, confused and depressed (totally dumped by my first love)
I met my husband (to be known as T in this blog) in my second year of college. I remember crying so much as I felt in the middle of their divorce. I will never forget the evening he held me as I was crying about their fighting and said "I feel like I have no family now"... I will never forget that night. It was one of the first times of many I fell in Love with T. He said "I'm your family. I will always be your family". It was a moment one does not forget.
T made me feel safe, hopeful and loved as well as excited for the future.
My parents later remarried and this made me incredibly happy. It felt like my family was back together. and to my happiness, they remarried before my wedding to T which was of the most amazing days of my life. T kept his promise.... he IS my family. But I desire more. I want the baby. The medical problems have not allowed us to get pregnant yet. My hope is once completely healed from my surgery we can start to try again to create the family he told me so long ago we would have.
What brought this to my mind today? I was home with my parents, my dad having had a heart procedure yesterday where they thought he had blockage again. Luckily he did not have any blockage and came home. He was weak today. It's so hard to be an only child and deal with parents getting older & having health concerns. They are all I have. T is my family. My parents are so close to me. It's scary when they are weak. It makes me feel so helpless...
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