Skip to main content

Life, Love...... and Family.



Life, Love and Family....


All on my mind today, readers..... all of which readers include one.... my husband. I can get so down sometimes when things don't go the way I expect & feel lost. Like I should know more about who I am at 3o (yikes! just TURNED 30).

There is so much I love about my life and yet, so much I don't. I'm lucky. I know this. I have amazing friends and a supportive family.

Something seems missing.

Is is the baby I so desperately want to have? I was an only child.. at times I liked & times I didn't. My parents divorced when I graduated high school and I felt completely alone, confused and depressed (totally dumped by my first love)

I met my husband (to be known as T in this blog) in my second year of college. I remember crying so much as I felt in the middle of their divorce. I will never forget the evening he held me as I was crying about their fighting and said "I feel like I have no family now"... I will never forget that night. It was one of the first times of many I fell in Love with T. He said "I'm your family. I will always be your family". It was a moment one does not forget.
T made me feel safe, hopeful and loved as well as excited for the future.

My parents later remarried and this made me incredibly happy. It felt like my family was back together. and to my happiness, they remarried before my wedding to T which was of the most amazing days of my life. T kept his promise.... he IS my family. But I desire more. I want the baby. The medical problems have not allowed us to get pregnant yet. My hope is once completely healed from my surgery we can start to try again to create the family he told me so long ago we would have.

What brought this to my mind today? I was home with my parents, my dad having had a heart procedure yesterday where they thought he had blockage again. Luckily he did not have any blockage and came home. He was weak today. It's so hard to be an only child and deal with parents getting older & having health concerns. They are all I have. T is my family. My parents are so close to me. It's scary when they are weak. It makes me feel so helpless...
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It's been 8 weeks and a day...

Time.... I'd never imagined it would end like this. In time, something new will grow. How long will it take to feel it? I don't know how to be something that will grow right now. I hope to see the sunshine, lay down on the ground, stare up at the sky and think about what is next. I didn't think I'd live like this..... Time... growth. My days used to revolve around you... Who had a sick need to give... and take it ALL away. I look back with regret.. Why didn't I see this?? I see it all now. Every little piece. i still remember the look on your face when I woke you... i can still feel your energy.. I don't know how to be something that you'll miss.. It's your smile and love I will forever remember... I hope I am something you will miss.. I hope I made an impact on your beautiful life. I will remember the moments...
Post a Comment
Read more

Today is February 9th, 2011. & this is where I am.

I'm much better. well, most days. It's been 5 months and about 10 days. I do not keep track. I try to forget the entire debacle. I miss her. I wonder about her. Today, I re-gained some of the power I had thought I lost in my heart. She told me she loved me & knows the whole story. I said nothing. I can't. But the knowing, just the knowing.. wow.
Post a Comment
Read more