It just wasn't my day....

Some days I feel emotional (well, many lately due to the medicine), some days good... other days sad. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my parents raised me not to keep things bottled up... so I tell people how I feel. I forget some families have "closed" systems that don't relate well when you try to open up to them. Some people just don't hear it or don't want to hear it or maybe... they don't know how to hear it.

Sigh..

I know that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Especially without all the details but it makes sense to me... it's not like anyone reads this. but still....

they say pick your battles... pick the important ones.
Which ones to let go of? how do I let go of things that will never change?

LOVE THIS new Artist Adele ~ Chasing Pavements....

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It's been 8 weeks and a day...

Time.... I'd never imagined it would end like this. In time, something new will grow. How long will it take to feel it? I don't know how to be something that will grow right now. I hope to see the sunshine, lay down on the ground, stare up at the sky and think about what is next. I didn't think I'd live like this..... Time... growth. My days used to revolve around you... Who had a sick need to give... and take it ALL away. I look back with regret.. Why didn't I see this?? I see it all now. Every little piece. i still remember the look on your face when I woke you... i can still feel your energy.. I don't know how to be something that you'll miss.. It's your smile and love I will forever remember... I hope I am something you will miss.. I hope I made an impact on your beautiful life. I will remember the moments...

that was it..

Trevor came to get me. I was frozen, really. Nothing could get me to walk out on my own. And I cried. I cried for the loss..

Today is February 9th, 2011. & this is where I am.

I'm much better. well, most days. It's been 5 months and about 10 days. I do not keep track. I try to forget the entire debacle. I miss her. I wonder about her. Today, I re-gained some of the power I had thought I lost in my heart. She told me she loved me & knows the whole story. I said nothing. I can't. But the knowing, just the knowing.. wow.

My home is where my story begins.....

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