Feels like a LONG Fall...

I'm really tired.. it's been a LONG Fall. I feel out of sorts with different things I guess. It's Friday night and I feel like crying. I get emotional. Everything feels out of sorts today.. maybe I need more sleep. I'm so glad tomorrow is the final home tailgate for MSU this season. I am REALLY burned out right now.... I wish my husband was home so he could give me a hug. although the house is kinda messy and we don't like that. I don't like chaos/mess. My husband is really tired this week as well. We're both needing a day to chill. The end of tailgating always feels this way. We love it... but we get tired. We didn't do our normal decorating for Halloween, which made me sad. We're going away for Thanksgiving for 10 days so we may put up the Christmas Tree up (1 of them) in the living room before we leave for our trip. 2008 has been an odd year for me. Maybe I should just crawl into a ball tonight and fall asleep. Doesn't that sound good?

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It's been 8 weeks and a day...

Time.... I'd never imagined it would end like this. In time, something new will grow. How long will it take to feel it? I don't know how to be something that will grow right now. I hope to see the sunshine, lay down on the ground, stare up at the sky and think about what is next. I didn't think I'd live like this..... Time... growth. My days used to revolve around you... Who had a sick need to give... and take it ALL away. I look back with regret.. Why didn't I see this?? I see it all now. Every little piece. i still remember the look on your face when I woke you... i can still feel your energy.. I don't know how to be something that you'll miss.. It's your smile and love I will forever remember... I hope I am something you will miss.. I hope I made an impact on your beautiful life. I will remember the moments...

that was it..

Trevor came to get me. I was frozen, really. Nothing could get me to walk out on my own. And I cried. I cried for the loss..

Today is February 9th, 2011. & this is where I am.

I'm much better. well, most days. It's been 5 months and about 10 days. I do not keep track. I try to forget the entire debacle. I miss her. I wonder about her. Today, I re-gained some of the power I had thought I lost in my heart. She told me she loved me & knows the whole story. I said nothing. I can't. But the knowing, just the knowing.. wow.

My home is where my story begins.....

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