Today is my 6th Wedding Anniversary....

I love my husband. I can't even remember life without him actually. that IS how much my life feels like it started the day we began our life together. Now naturally he has pet peeves that drive me nuts... as I am sure I do to him... (i can occasionally repeat myself.... remember, i said occasionally). I am truly lucky to have this man in my life.. he is one of the good ones, very very good ones.

I'm supposed to be... but who knows... O'ing over the past 2 days, maybe today.. who knows? I just don't think the OPK's work for me... it's so frustrating.. those types of thing bother me so much.. I'm not wanting to get into the whole temperature checking each morning... but we'll see what happens this month. I am on cd19, last month my cycle was 32 days with the Clomid so my O day based on the calculators was supposed to be yesterday! Here is to hoping for....

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It's been 8 weeks and a day...

Time.... I'd never imagined it would end like this. In time, something new will grow. How long will it take to feel it? I don't know how to be something that will grow right now. I hope to see the sunshine, lay down on the ground, stare up at the sky and think about what is next. I didn't think I'd live like this..... Time... growth. My days used to revolve around you... Who had a sick need to give... and take it ALL away. I look back with regret.. Why didn't I see this?? I see it all now. Every little piece. i still remember the look on your face when I woke you... i can still feel your energy.. I don't know how to be something that you'll miss.. It's your smile and love I will forever remember... I hope I am something you will miss.. I hope I made an impact on your beautiful life. I will remember the moments...

that was it..

Trevor came to get me. I was frozen, really. Nothing could get me to walk out on my own. And I cried. I cried for the loss..

Today is February 9th, 2011. & this is where I am.

I'm much better. well, most days. It's been 5 months and about 10 days. I do not keep track. I try to forget the entire debacle. I miss her. I wonder about her. Today, I re-gained some of the power I had thought I lost in my heart. She told me she loved me & knows the whole story. I said nothing. I can't. But the knowing, just the knowing.. wow.

My home is where my story begins.....

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