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I never meant to cause you trouble...


I use Pandora at the office. And last week was troubling.. not that an observer would see that, in fact, quite the opposite. I can count on one hand the amount of people who could tell I was dealing with something. (But damn, aren't I always??) Pandora kicks on Trouble by Coldplay like 20 seconds after I get off a call. Yeah, so I sat at my desk and cried. (and seriously, people just don't understand the power of letting go in your own tears.) I just sat there, listened, let the tears fall. I think I needed the cry. There is just SO much going on, so many changes.. so much so that I'm losing track of it all. I'm an emotional mess at times, especially lately - and I just won't apologize for it. That's almost like a lie to me.

Why do I need to hide from you what's tearing me up?? and... just when I think I make a safe choice, well, not so much. I let that battle go. Just can't force it. The pain of latest mistakes made are nearly killing my little heart.

The song was just what pushed me over the edge, I was like... uh-oh... and there it all was. It's a song that can put most to tears depending on mood...

So there it is really... another change, (this one will be MUCH harder for me to analyze moving forward - didn't I do everything right?) more to absorbe....


~~


Fertility wise, I have to go back again Wednesday. I went Friday (no follicles), this morning (cd16 & FINALLY - a follicle in my right ovary - yes, my RIGHT) and will head back Wednesday morning to hopefully get the HcG shot. (The follicle is growing--My temperature rose like it was supposed to, i apparently want it to stay up. I would post that chart here if I knew how). Not that I really want the horrible shot - it causes me more anxiety every time I go in and they don't give me the damn thing.. I hate the stupid thing in my purse right now. As she said to me Friday, have 'relationship' with husband. lol. which is what she said today - so yeah, more 'relationship' with T. Tonight & Tomorrow night. It's kinda empowering today to know my body is actually doing what it is supposed to do. Here is more on the ovulation process.. it helped me to read it because I don't understand a damn word my RE says to me (ok, half of that is I barely understand her english.. but the rest is she talks medical terminology that is like a foreign language to me).
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