So I was thinking about this for some time today. I apologize pretty frequently. and I'm a girl who uses google for oh, everything.... so I found this:
Why We Apologize Too Much, and How to Stop
The article was quite informative to me.... the premise is this:
"Many women make apologizing a habit -- either to avoid conflict, to please others, or simply as a social crutch".
so i thought after just that intro before even reading the article... I realized I do it to please others & occasionally to avoid conflict. (although I freely admit I do it to please others 90% of the time).
I can't read minds...
I never know if I've messed up, I totally own up when I screw up.. so I apologize. It's not a fake apology. I mean it. I feel bad when I feel I've screwed up, said the wrong thing (I ALWAYS feel like I say the wrong things & make a fool out of myself) & am potentially offending someone I care about.. so I apologize to please. in a way, the crazy thought is I need to immediately apologize so I don't push the person away in whatever stupid thing I may have said. (yeah, i typically say alot of dumb things.. but that's a different thing I have to work on). I drive people insane with these apologies.
I will apologize to avoid conflict with someone I care about. Sometimes the battle isn't worth fighting so I give in.... I'm better at picking and choosing my battles than I used to be....
I've lost so many friends in the past year so I have to look deep inside myself and find out why... some were never REAL friends.. some used me.. but the fact is they aren't there now... so I went wrong somewhere... and now, I developed this habit of apologizing to please because I don't want to lose the people I have in my life right now... If you're reading this (well, nobody READS this... lol lol) you'll be able to tell I'm kinda girly/silly/emotional/somewhat crazy... *shrug*.
where do I go from here?
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***I want to Stop Apologizing.. ****
but damn, that article scared me...~~Am I communicating a message about dominance and submission in the relationship and placing myself in the lower position because I apologize???
~~~Am I coming across weak?? " Apologies are taken as a sign of weakness."
***OK, so that article came from a feminist point of view.. of which I am not what I'd consider a feminist.. In fact, likely the opposite as I look up to men. I never said I wasn't old-fashioned.
I also found this last piece informative because it fits ME exactly.... apologizing is a habit, i get scared to offend, can be on eggshells with people and lastly, I find it easier to always blame myself...
I'm one of those people who can freely admit they are FAR from perfect and have much growing to do... I make mistakes daily.. but I am open to ideas/feedback.. sometimes it takes me a few hours to think of what was said.. or even a few days... but I do it.
I want to be a better ME...
I'm going through alot...
I'm terrible at shutting people out when I need them the most...
partly due to fear..
it's scary to think of burning someone out..
so they don't want to deal with you anymore..
it's easier to hide. This IS another of my flaws.
Lately I find myself quieter with friends..
keeping things to myself that I wouldn't have in the past...
you can only expect so much from any (1) friend... so I'm so careful..
I want to be a better ME...
I'm going through alot...
I'm terrible at shutting people out when I need them the most...
partly due to fear..
it's scary to think of burning someone out..
so they don't want to deal with you anymore..
it's easier to hide. This IS another of my flaws.
Lately I find myself quieter with friends..
keeping things to myself that I wouldn't have in the past...
you can only expect so much from any (1) friend... so I'm so careful..
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